Honest Evaluations

What is your desire today? Notoriety? Affirmation? To live a great life and accumulate some nice things? For your family to be in health? I am sitting in my office pondering the next 10 years of my life that will set up my following ten years of life leading me closer to my finish line.
I have lived a very full life and done more than most. Traveling internationally. Birthing over 60 ministry schools, birthing thousands of churches. The life experience I have accumulated amazes me. The places God has opened for me as assignments is humbling. The people God has placed across my path has been unique for the most part. Some things I don’t speak of as they are lost in the vastness of what God has done. Some are pertinent to this moment of time and some have affected this point of living. But all have made me to be who I am. Each thing was placed and set in motion by God for a single goal, that Christ would be formed in me. You see the assignment is not about the assignment but about the forming process within us. If we are not careful, we lose track of that and become task oriented instead of heart connected.
Now after all the years of ministry and all the great moments in the Lord have formed in me, there is still something unsettled in my spirit. Something I am contending for, yet I can’t seem to form the words. Much like Ezekiel it has the appearance of and the likeness of. Yet it is a deep heart cry. That He would be seen. That He would be glorified. That He would finish the work within me of the final purges of the flesh. That I could step over the invisible line I see and live within the next level. That the Body of Christ could make the transition into the life they dream of yet seems to elude them.
I know what has been formed in me. A prophet once said, “there is an ancient anointing resting on you, that’s why people don’t know what to do with you.” I have always felt that, relating to the later rain prophets and even something from ancient places. I am on a journey to discover it and articulate it. I know the message I carry comes somewhat from these ancient paths and ways and that’s why it is so revelatory. The things God has done through me in history shows, brings hope of God stepping into the present to do these things again. God has spoken to me to release the message within me to other places. He has spoken to me to not hold back. But I am also conflicted having a conviction of self-promoting which I despise. I have decided I’m not going to go that route to make my name known or have a ministry name with my name within it so people can identify with me. I want to minister to make His name known. I want to make His Message what is on the lips of people. So, I will only promote his nature formed and His message revealed.
You see there is something that I see occurring. A lot of clamoring for an enlarged platform. A lot of energy expelled with little result. A lot of talk and meetings and gatherings, yet the impact is not being seen. We have grown so accustomed to it and embrace it as the normal Christian life missing the fact that maybe more could be done and formed in my heart staying in a secret place with the Lord instead of the crowds of people. The question now comes in my season of life of why? Why are you going to that meeting? Why? Will it bring the results you are looking for?
You see my perspectives have changed deep in my heart since I went through the big battle, I had last fall. I’m not saying I have made it to my end game, but I am on a new training program that is going to take me there eventually. Oh, that my later years would far outweigh my former. To lay it all aside and at the end transition from a fog to a mist to finally my life as a vapor, a sweet-smelling sound before my King and Lord.
So, I will go as I have always gone, were doors open, invites come and hungry hearts for truth will draw upon what God has given and wants to give. I am not going to go, just to fill a speaking spot but to build. To lay something to come back to and lay another layer upon. To not come to simply entertain, or amuse, but to confront, convict and impact and bring the kingdom forth. If I can’t come and bring that forth then I should not be traveling and propagating any other kind of message. Nor do I believe any minister should. We should stay on our face until we are really carrying the goods, then go forth with a life-giving sound!

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